5 Simple Ways to Talk to a Teenager: Encouraging Them to Open Up

As we mark Youth Mental Health Day (19 September), I’ve been reflecting on something I notice time and again in my early days working closely with young people: how hard it can be for them to find the words to express what’s really going on inside.

One phrase comes up more than any other: “I don’t know.”

It’s easy to assume that a young person is being dismissive, evasive, or even “difficult.” But in reality, many are struggling to communicate in a world where adults are often authority figures, problem-solvers, or disciplinarians. They may genuinely not know how to put their thoughts and feelings into words — or they may not feel safe enough to try.

This matters deeply for youth mental health. Bottled-up emotions can fuel anxiety, isolation, and low self-esteem. But when adults create space for open, judgment-free conversations, young people can begin to share — and that’s where real support starts.

Here are five simple, practical ways to begin talking to your teenager or young person, so that they feel more comfortable opening up:

1. Give space for silence

Adults often rush to fill gaps in conversation, but for a young person, those pauses can be precious. Silence allows them to gather their thoughts and find their words. Try resisting the urge to jump in — you may be surprised what eventually surfaces.

2. Ask open and gentle questions

Instead of yes/no questions (“Did you have a good day?”), try prompts that invite reflection:

• “What was the most challenging part of today? Did you manage to resolve it?”

• “What or who made you smile today?”

Gentle, open questions remove the pressure to give the “right” answer and allow a young person to shape the conversation in their own way.

3. Validate before you fix

It’s natural to want to jump into problem-solving, but what most young people need first is to feel heard. Simple responses like “That sounds tough” or “I can see why you’d feel that way” let them know their feelings matter. Solutions can come later — listening is the first step.

4. Share something of yourself

Teenagers often open up when they sense that an adult is being authentic. Sharing a small story of your own challenges (without overshadowing theirs) can level the playing field. It shows that everyone struggles sometimes, and it can make conversations feel less like an interrogation.

5. Shift from authority to ally

Young people are used to adults telling them what to do. Instead, try positioning yourself alongside them: “Let’s figure this out together” rather than “Here’s what you need to do.” This subtle shift can reduce defensiveness and build trust.

Why talking to teenagers matters on Youth Mental Health Day

This year’s theme, #ControlYourScroll, highlights how online spaces shape young people’s mental health. Interestingly, many teenagers are incredibly fluent in online communication — through emojis, memes, and quick messages — yet struggle to translate those same feelings into spoken words with adults. That’s where we come in.

By changing how we listen and how we ask, we can help bridge that gap between online expression and real-world conversation.

Final thoughts on talking to teenagers

Every “I don’t know” isn’t a dead end — it’s often a starting point. It can mean: “I want to tell you, but I don’t quite know how.”

On Youth Mental Health Day, let’s remember that the way we listen and respond can make all the difference. By creating spaces where teenagers and young people feel safe to talk and open up, we not only support their mental health in the moment, but also teach them that their voices truly matter.