5 Ways to Support a Teen Experiencing Bullying

Bullying has always been painful, but the landscape young people navigate today is very different from the one many of us grew up in. As someone who came of age in the 90s, I remember the relief of stepping through my front door after school and knowing the day was done. Home was a sanctuary. Unless someone physically followed you, the bullying stopped at the gate.

For today’s teens, that boundary barely exists. With smartphones, group chats, social media, and camera phones, the pressure can be constant. Bullying can follow them into their bedrooms, their weekends, and their late‑night scrolling. It’s no wonder so many young people feel overwhelmed.

As a qualified counsellor working with teens in private practice — and as a school counsellor in a local secondary school — I see the emotional impact of this every week. And while I sometimes catch myself thinking that “resilience looked different in my day,” I also know that the world looked different too. Young people aren’t less resilient; they’re navigating a far more complex and connected environment.

This article offers five grounded, compassionate ways parents can support a teen experiencing bullying, based on current UK guidance, child‑development understanding, and what I witness in the therapy room.

Bullying in UK Schools: What the Numbers Tell Us

Recent UK data shows:

• Around 1 in 3 children aged 10–15 report being bullied in person within the past year.[1]

• Nearly 1 in 5 experience online bullying — a number that continues to rise.[1]

• In secondary schools, up to 40% of Year 10 pupils say they’ve been bullied in the last 12 months.[1]

• A significant proportion of bullying now happens across multiple settings: in school, online, and within peer group chats.

These figures highlight what many parents already sense: bullying is common, and it’s increasingly digital.

What Schools Are Required to Do

A few key points from recent UK policy updates:

• All state schools must have an anti‑bullying or behaviour policy that clearly outlines how bullying is prevented and addressed.[2]

• Schools are legally required to act on harassment, discrimination, and victimisation, including prejudice‑based bullying.[2]

• The Department for Education’s 2024 Behaviour in Schools guidance strengthened expectations around tackling cyberbullying and discriminatory behaviour.[2]

• Ofsted’s 2024–25 framework places greater emphasis on how effectively schools prevent bullying and create a safe culture.[3]

Parents often feel unsure about what they can reasonably expect from a school — but the law is clear: schools must take bullying seriously.

5 Ways to Support a Teen Experiencing Bullying

Below are five approaches that can make a meaningful difference to teens experiencing bullying.

1. Listen first — without judgement or instruction

This is the one thing teens tell me they value most in counselling: being heard without being told what to do. For many young people, life can feel like a constant stream of instructions — from teachers, parents, coaches, and even peers. When they talk to me, they often say things like, “It’s just nice that you don’t jump in,” or “You actually listen.”

I know how hard this can be for busy parents. You care deeply, and your instinct is to protect. But when a teen opens up about bullying, the most powerful first step is simply to listen.

Try:

• “That sounds really tough.”

• “I’m glad you told me.”

• “I’m here with you.”

This creates safety — and safety opens the door to everything else.

2. Help them make sense of what’s happening

Teens often minimise bullying: “It’s just a joke,” “Everyone gets this,” or “It’s not a big deal.”

You can gently help them explore:

• Is it repeated?

• Is there a power imbalance? (is the bully older, in a position of authority at the school)

• Does it happen online, in person, or both?

• How does it make them feel?

This isn’t about labelling their experience for them — it’s about helping them understand it.

3. Support their autonomy — let them lead the pace

In my counselling practice, I offer teens subtle choices all the time:

• Where they want to sit

• What they want to talk about

• Whether they want to draw, talk, or simply think

• How fast or slow the session should go

These small choices matter. When a young person is being bullied, they often feel their autonomy has been taken from them. Offering choice helps rebuild it.

Parents can do the same:

• “Would you like me to help you talk to school, or would you prefer to think about it for a bit?”

• “What feels like the next step for you?”

• “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen right now?”

This keeps the young person in the driving seat — which is essential for their confidence and sense of agency.

4. Work with the school — collaboratively, not confrontationally

Parents sometimes worry about being seen as “difficult,” but advocating for your child is not being difficult — it’s being responsible.

You can:

• Ask to see the school’s anti‑bullying or behaviour policy

• Request a meeting with the pastoral lead or head of year

• Keep a record of incidents, including screenshots if online bullying is involved

• Ask how the school plans to keep your child safe during the school day

Schools vary in how they respond, but most want to work with parents. A calm, collaborative approach usually gets the best results.

5. Strengthen their world outside the bullying

Resilience grows through connection, not pressure. Encourage your teen to spend time in spaces where they feel valued — whether that’s a sport, a creative hobby, a club, or simply time with friends who “get” them. These pockets of safety help counterbalance the stress of bullying.

You might also explore:

• Reducing social media use temporarily

• Spending time with supportive adults (coaches, relatives, mentors)

• Considering counselling if they need a confidential space to process what’s happening

Counselling can help a young person reconnect with their strengths, rebuild confidence, and feel less alone.

Why Bullying Happens — and Why It Hurts

Bullying rarely comes from nowhere. Research shows it’s shaped by a mix of personal insecurity, social dynamics, and the wider environment young people grow up in.[5] Studies exploring teens’ perspectives show that bullying often emerges from status-seeking, loneliness, or a desire to fit in, especially when they feel unsure of their place in a peer group.[6]

Developmental psychology adds that bullying can be a way for young people to experiment with power at a time when their brains are still developing the skills needed for empathy, emotional regulation, and perspective‑taking.[4] Dan Olweus, a leading researcher in this field, notes that bullying is often driven by a need for control, peer approval, or a way of coping with difficult feelings.[4]

None of this excuses the behaviour, but it does help us understand it. And while teasing and conflict can be a common part of growing up, persistent bullying hits differently. It can undermine a young person’s sense of belonging and identity, and leave them questioning themselves in painful ways. This is why steady, compassionate support from adults makes such a difference.

When to Seek Extra Support

You might consider additional support if your teen is:

• Withdrawing from friends or activities

• Avoiding school

• Showing changes in sleep or appetite

• Becoming unusually anxious, irritable, or shut down

A counsellor can offer a confidential space where they can explore their feelings, understand what’s happening, and rebuild their sense of self.

A Final Word

Bullying can make a young person feel small, isolated, or powerless — but with steady, compassionate support, they can find their way through it. Parents don’t need to have all the answers. What matters most is showing up, listening, and walking alongside your teen as they navigate a world that can feel overwhelming at times.

References:

1. Office for National Statistics (ONS). Bullying in England: 2023–2024.  

2. Department for Education (DfE). Behaviour in Schools: Advice for Headteachers and School Staff (Updated 2024).

3. Ofsted. Education Inspection Framework Updates (2024–2025).

4. Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Blackwell Publishing.

5. Thornberg, R. (2015). “School Bullying as a Collective Action: Stigma, Group Processes, and Identity.” Children & Society.  

6. National Centre for Social Research (NatCen). Young People’s Experiences of Bullying: Qualitative Insights (2023).